I have a ginormous family. That typical huge Filipino family. I really do have the best family though. We would have huge parties all the time, and I mean ALL the time. Every weekend was somebody’s birthday, or somebody was getting baptized or married or there was an anniversary or a Cotillion, which is like a coming-of-age kind of party? Like a Bar Mitzvah except we’re not Jewish haha. And I think it’s when you turn 18. Clearly I didn’t have one myself, but my family has had a bunch.
And so I say that in the past tense because we haven’t really been to one of these parties in….hmmmm perhaps a decade or so? Maybe longer. Since my Lola, or grandma, passed away and my mom and uncles all got in a huge fight. All grown up stuff and I was too young to understand and then it became a soft subject that people didn’t want to discuss, even years later. I want to say it was about money but that seems too petty, right? Like I couldn’t imagine NOT talking to my own sisters because of something as stupid as money. But like I said, it was all grown up stuff that I was too young to understand. And so we stopped making the trek to the Bay Area every weekend because we didn’t speak to half of our family. There’d be some family functions we would still get invited to because my mom was still on good terms with 2 of her brothers (she has 4 older brothers. She’s the baby like me :) And that was literally her nickname, “Baby”). But my sisters and I rarely made appearances because we were busy. Lame excuse, I know.
So anyway, this wedding yesterday was one of the first where we were all invited. And it was from the other side of the family that we “didn’t talk to”. So it was kind of a big deal. Everyone would be there that we haven’t seen in literally years and years. And so my entire [immediate] family went, except Mallory. My mom made up with one of her brothers, which is also a huge deal. It was the bride’s father who she reconnected with, and so I think all it really took was for her to show up to the wedding and he was more than willing to make up with her when she had made the effort to come.
That’s really all it takes. The nice thing about family is that you never really need to say sorry. I guess it’s a good thing to say you’re sorry, but it’s even nicer when you don’t need to. Isn’t there some quote that says “Love means never having to say you’re sorry”? I mean, I don’t really think that works so much in “relationships”, but for family, at least MY family, I think it makes perfect sense. Like with my sisters and I, for instance. We can get in a crazy fight over something (usually something fairly stupid) and storm out on each other. An hour later, or even 10 minutes later, if one of us says one nice or even just CIVIL thing, that’s a peace offering. That’s saying, okay I don’t want to fight anymore. And it’s over. We don’t have to say sorry because we know that both of us are already sorry. Just the gesture is enough. And THAT’s what love is. I miss my family.