L I F E . V I A . I N S T A G R A M
Bar None = fave local bar
My work schedule. My boss likes to emphasize my where I come from.
BEST package from the BEST friend:)
SDSU ALUMNI! Finally:)
Good find = Simply Spanish Tapas Bar & Restaurant. Thank you Groupon!
My little study buddy I made while writing papers at work.
I don't even think most Aussie's would eat this
"When you belong nowhere, you kind of belong everywhere. When you have nothing, there is the possibility of everything" - Ann Brashares
a few random things:
Officially had my LAST day of class! Possibly my last day of class I will EVER have. But maybe one day I'll decide to go to Grad school. I now have 2 papers, 1 group project and an exam to go until I'm officially DONE!
Graduation at SDSU was a couple weekends ago. Extremely bittersweet. Wish I could've gone but I knew from the beginning that living in Australia > a boring 2 hour ceremony wearing an unflattering, polyester gown. But I'm not gonna lie, I reallyyy wanted to wear it anyway haha. Or at least decorate a cap.
I had the most ODD job working my promotion job yesterday. I got an email for doing a campaign/promo for PomLife at 3:30am-7:30am. Obviously that was a typo on the email because who in their right mind would have us do a promotion at 3:30 in the morning? Unfortunately it was NOT a mistake and so yes, I did in fact wake up at 2am yesterday to catch a cab at 2:40 and start work at 3:15. F.M.L. We went to this huge warehouse a little east of the city to give away samples of PomLife pomegranates to retailers. Not only was it FREEZING cold (4 degrees to be exact. Celcius, anyway) but it was the biggest fail of a promo I've ever worked because all the workers were you know, working and not super interested in trying samples of pomegranates. Most of them had no idea what pomegranates even were. "Ummm what do I do with these?" "You're supposed to eat it sir. It's fruit." My coworker, who I had met that morning, and I ended up just talking the whole time and pretty much learned each other's life story for the next 4 hours.
So I still need to figure out my whole Visa situation so I can come back to this country. It'd be a real bummer if I left to find out I couldn't come back, especially since all my stuff will be here still. I guess there's a US Embassy at St. Kilda beach so I'm attempting to venture that way sometime next week. Amidst all the "studying" (aka facebooking & blogging to procrastinate. I'm actually supposed to be doing my project right now). My biggest distraction is actually watching the NBA playoffs which I am miraculously able to watch on Australian ESPN! I unfortunately have to watch them at 1030 in the morning but we usually DVR them and watch them later anyway. I just have to stay off facebook so I don't see a status about the game haha.
There were two BEAUTIFUL days in a ROW the last 2 days. Today isn't looking too shabby either. It's another MIRACLE! So I suppose I should go enjoy it now:)
I should have some sort of symbol or warning or something before each blog entry. Saying that the following isn’t a “travel entry” but more of a “life entry”. I realize that I started this blog to write about my travels, and I feel like I’ve done a decent job covering most of it thus far. However, I said in the beginning that I’ve kept a journal since I was in 3rd grade. And that I also stopped writing about 2 years ago. And so maybe it just feels nice to write again. Even if it’s about nonsense that people actually aren’t interested in reading. So I suppose this is my warning: this is more of a LIFE entry :)
Every now and then, I would go back on old journal entries and read them. I would always claim that I liked to write in a diary/journal because it’s therapeutic and don’t get me wrong, it really is. But I also have this guilty pleasure of going back and reading old entries. I’m not sure what I gain out of it, but it’s just nice to reminisce sometimes. Sometimes I read about old mistakes that I’m still making today. And as terrifying as that is, that I’m still not learning, it’s also amusing in a way.
Like I just said, I stopped writing about 2 years ago after my life got erased (dramatic pause) – via computer crash anyway. Luckily, I still had quite a few blog entries on my “Myspace” account, that I randomly decided to read this morning (& I put “Myspace” in quotes because it really is quite an irrelevant & seemingly juvenile site these days [Sorry Tom]…Although I’m still so reluctant to delete it ha. I’m telling you, I have an issue with letting go of the past). First of all, I can’t believe I actually posted all of those things for the public to read. Secondly, I actually was maybe getting at something. Some of the things I wrote weren’t half bad. I mean, they were awful and embarrassing and I would delete them if I had the balls to, but they were somewhat meaningful.
I read about my high school days and saw how absolutely obnoxious I was. I mean, I already knew how annoying I was back then, but seeing myself write was just way too blatant of evidence. Regardless, it was still rather entertaining. My favorite bits were (& when I say “favorite”, I mean “the worst parts were…”) about how I “hated drama” yet every single blog I wrote was about drama. There were perhaps 20-25 entries, all spaced out between my sophomore year in high school, up until my sophomore year in college. It was funny seeing how I at least matured a little bit but how the boy problems never went away. The last entry was my favorite. A completely inappropriate entry completely calling out a guy I had semi-dated for a year and a half. I think I made that one private after I finally got over him. I never had the heart to delete it because in all honesty, I did a pretty damn good job calling him out on his shit. (We're actually friends now, so it's okay).
I wish I had the passion, or maybe just the balls, to write about the things I wrote about back then. I suppose I’m a little more conscious to the fact that this IS the internet and everybody can read what I’m writing. I think back then I just didn’t give a shit. I envy that girl just a LITTLE.
It’s funny seeing how my life has just been a cycle of the same thing. And not in a bad way at all. I went through high school thinking my biggest problems were these 4 guys I couldn’t decide between. But I’m sure in 10 years from now, I’m going to think back on how stupid my problems were when I was 23. I managed to document the greatest milestones in my life, which I’m so glad I did. Graduating high school and moving away for the first time ever. Dealing with far too many deaths at a young age. Going to college and having the hardest time adjusting and all the while, just drinking my life away (sorry mom). Almost having to drop out and going through horrible “heartbreaks”. And then now here I am, about to graduate college and I feel just as vulnerable and immature as that 16-year-old girl that wrote about how “crazy” sophomore year had been. Everybody is leaving San Diego. I don’t know where to go after this. I’m almost scared to move back home because I don’t know if I have a home anymore. Well, I pretty much know I don’t. My friends are dispersed across the country, from Northern California, to Texas to Georgia. So where do I go from here?
I would love to keep traveling but is it because I want to travel, or is because I don’t want to grow up? Everybody else around me is growing up, it seems. I know I’ll eventually have to do the same. But then there’s still that other side of me that is saying I don’t NEED to grow up yet and I can travel and do what I want because THIS is the ONLY time I’ll be able to do it so carelessly and freely.
As much fun as it all is, I still feel like I don’t know what I’m doing in my life and that I should figure that out. There’s this void in me that I’m not quite sure how to fill. But in all honesty, is a JOB going to fill that void? I highly doubt it. There always seems to be something in me that I’m missing, that I’m always trying to fill. Something I’m searching for. But maybe that void is just what keeps you going. Keeps you looking for more, keeps you hungry for life. Maybe it’s meant to be there forever so you don’t get too comfortable and set in routine. Maybe it’s not a void at all. Maybe it’s just drive to keep you from settling for anything but amazing.
**I also took the liberty of stealing the title from an old "MySpace" blog entry (which was a quote from Donnie Darko or something). Funny how things from your past can help you figure out the present. Sometimes even the future. It may or may not be such a bad thing to want to hold onto the Past.
As I leave San Diego, I can't help but reminisce about the last 5 years I've spent here. I remember being your typical scared, little Freshman, trying so hard to fit in but just wishing I was back home. Then finally getting the hang of it after meeting my still-now-best-friends, joining Gamma Phi and just getting over the homesickness. (Mainly due to things not working out with the boy back home. Which, of course, always seems to work out for the best.) But whatever gives you that extra push, right?
I spent the rest of the 4 years - yes I'm a proud five-year student - making plenty of mistakes, moving far too many times, having WAY too many different jobs, and trying to figure out my life. Which, I definitely still haven't done yet, but hey - I'm only 22 years YOUNG (23 in a few weeks..which is scary because 23 rounds up to 25, 25 rounds up to 30...scary).
My friends always make fun of me because I've literally had about 12 different jobs all throughout college. From that horrible on-campus call center I started with, to way too many restaurant jobs, with a few random jobs here and there - I've got all kinds of experience :). I always figure, why would I settle for this job I hate if I can just quit and get a new one that I'll hopefully like better? I may sound lazy or irresponsible or unreliable, but honestly, how important was my role as the hostess as the bar downtown? Or even a bartender at another bar downtown? These jobs are NOT going to lead me to my career and to them, I'm replaceable and expendable anyway - as are most of their employees with those types of positions. Let's be real, even if I was the star server at one of the many restaurants/hotels I've worked at, it's not like they won't ever be able to function without me. And I definitely can function without any of these jobs as well. If I go to work miserable, then yes, I'll do something about it (i.e. quit) because we all have choices in life and I don't intend on staying somewhere just because I feel stuck.
This obviously goes for life as well. I don't want to stay in my comfort zone and perhaps get a mediocre "big kid job" once I graduate. I know that there is so much out there in the world and I don't intend on letting the opportunity to go explore it, pass me by. Like I said before, when else will I be able to pick up, drop everything and travel? This is the perfect opportunity. I love San Diego and I will miss it dearly, but it's time to move on and hey, maybe one day I'll come back :)